1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your Boss....the Pope expects you to kiss only his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and its done.

5. If you want the world to beat a path to your door, go to the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the ice from the spilled drink chilled the mood, and I aspirated some popcorn.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just a room with pictures of appliances painted on the walls and a telephone to call the caterer.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that the mechanic might try to rip me off. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

12. My neighbor was bitten by a rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."