If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That
way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
If you must choose between two evils,
pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Always yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
Never put off until tommorrow what you can do today;
besides, if you like it, you can do it again tomorrow.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.