Have you ever read the fine print on packages?

On a Sear's hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

( and that would be how??? )

On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):

"Do not turn upside down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(... and you thought???? ...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we

could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: maybe, uh, fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)