A FRIEND SENT ME THE FOLLOWING "REDEFINITIONS." READ SLOWLY — IT MAY TAKE A WHILE FOR THE LIGHT TO SHINE, BUT THESE ARE RATHER CLEVER!
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.
12. PARADOX: Two physicians.
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.
16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the Spring.
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.
19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.
Same friend sent me some more ...
21. Abdicate: to give up all hope of having a flat stomach.
22. Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline.
23. Circumvent: an opening in the front of boxershorts worn by Jewish men.
24. Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs.
25. Esplanade: to give an explanation when drunk.
26. Flabbergasted: appalled about how much weight you have gained.
27. Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks you up when you are run over by a steamroller.
28. Frisbeetarianism: The belief that, when you die, your soul lands on the roof and gets stuck there.
29. Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash.
30. Lymph: to walk with a lisp.
31. Negligent: absentmindedly answering the door in your nightgown.
32. Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish.
33. Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
34. Pokemon: Haitian proctologist.
35. Testicle: humorous exam question.
36. Willy-nilly: impotent.